If I am in my feminine energy, and most modern men seem to live there too, does it mean we’re all gay? Or does it mean that real men are an endangered species?
Don’t get me wrong — I’m all for sensitivity, emotional intelligence, and a man who can tell mauve from lilac. But lately, it feels like the masculine energy has been replaced by an endless loop of “self-care” routines, astrology memes, and men asking for your attachment style instead of your phone number.
Dating today feels like scrolling through a menu where all the dishes have been renamed:
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“Passionate Pursuit” is now “Mutual Effort” (translation: he’ll text you when he’s bored).
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“Bold Gestures” have become “Vibes” (translation: zero plans, but he’s sending you a song link at midnight).
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“Romance” has been rebranded as “Emotional Safety” (translation: he doesn’t actually want a relationship, but he’ll talk about boundaries for three hours).
And when you finally go on a date? Forget candlelight and meaningful conversation — romance has been replaced by the soft glow of his phone screen. He’s scrolling through something urgent, like gym memes or news about a sports team you’ve never heard of, occasionally glancing up to ask if you “also like podcasts,” as if that’s a substitute for connection.
The modern courtship ritual now looks like two people sharing the same table but inhabiting different worlds — you stirring your coffee, him scrolling his feed, both pretending this is how dating works now.
When did “I’ll pick you up at 7” become extinct? When did courage get replaced by “Let’s see how it goes” — the mating call of the indecisive? Somewhere between mindfulness workshops and “working on myself,” the masculine drive seems to have gone into witness protection. I imagine it hiding out in a garage, restoring vintage motorbikes and refusing to answer emails.
Here’s the thing: I don’t want a caveman. I’m not looking for someone to conquer me, rescue me, or pay my rent. I’m looking for a man who knows what he wants and isn’t afraid to move toward it. Someone who can lead without being controlling, who can be strong without being a caricature, who understands that confidence is not toxic masculinity — it’s attractive masculinity.
Instead, I’m met with men who treat initiative like a microaggression. They want you to send the first message, plan the date, choose the wine, and validate their self-worth — all before dessert. Then they’ll tell you they’re “just seeing where life takes them,” which is apparently the polite way of saying “I’m not taking you anywhere.”
Gentlemen, if you’re out there, here’s a thought: put down your oat latte, step away from your meditation app, and remember that romance is not dead — you just stopped practicing it. Call her. Make a plan. Follow through. Because the truth is, mystery and magic still work, but only if you show up.
Otherwise, we’ll all be left with love stories as thrilling as a LinkedIn connection request — and the only poetry written about that will be in HR manuals.
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Laura
