This is Laura speaking. A soul in process. An observer. A student of life that, without asking, shattered my entire structure and forced me to face the darkness. I write because I know I am not alone. Because I know that among you are those who are going through the same state — when everything you once knew for sure begins to dissolve, and the masks — no matter how much you want to hold on to them — simply fall away.
My spiritual awakening began in 2020 and lasted for several years. It was a journey full of storms, breakups, and painful transformations. Until 2022, my ego was dying — the ego I built, nurtured, and that protected me from the world and from myself. The roles I played, the identities I assumed — all started to crumble like a house of cards. In 2022, I went through the darkest stage of my spiritual journey, called the Dark Night of the Soul — a moment when nothing remains to hold you up, and the new path has not yet appeared.
This is not a story about an easy awakening or rainbows and butterflies. No, this is a story about how you have to die to really live. How you must be stripped to your bones to feel true freedom.
Spiritual awakening is not a fairy tale — it is the collapse of a structure
From the outside, it might have seemed like everything was fine — yet my work life was exhausting me, narcissistic people were pushing me to the edge, and my daily routines were falling apart. Inside, I was barely holding myself together, trapped under the weight of obligations, forced smiles, and the constant pressure to appear “good,” even as my world crumbled.
Spiritual awakening didn’t hit me like a lightning bolt. It was an earthquake that gradually tore apart the foundations on which I built my life. Other people’s words lost their meaning. What once gave fulfillment disappeared. Even my own body began to rebel against my plans. Everything fell apart, leaving me alone with an emptiness and questions without answers.
It wasn’t depression, though it might have seemed so at first glance. It was the disintegration of the old self — the shattering of a false construct called me. It was the moment life said, “What you created no longer serves you. It’s time to shed your skin.” And although we fear this moment, it is necessary. Without it, there is no real change.
Jung and the shadow that leads to light
Carl Gustav Jung, one of the greatest sages of psychology and spirituality, wrote:
“We do not become enlightened by imagining figures of light, but by making the darkness conscious.”
This quote is the key to understanding what real growth is. For years, I thought spirituality meant running away from darkness, pain, and difficult emotions. Yet true transformation requires descending into the underworld — into those parts of ourselves we have rejected, hidden, or felt ashamed of.
My shadow took many forms: fear of rejection, anger I suppressed for years, feelings of lack and loneliness I refused to see. When I finally allowed all of this to speak — it didn’t destroy me. On the contrary, it set me free.
Because what we fear and reject doesn’t disappear. It’s our unconscious calling for attention, acceptance, and healing. Only when we look darkness in the eyes can we start to integrate all the pieces of ourselves. And only then does true light appear.
The death of the ego — the moment of true rebirth
Ego death is both a boundary and a mystical process. It’s the moment when all previous identities — the armor we wear — lose their meaning. It’s the moment when you are left without titles, roles, or protections.
It’s a painful moment because suddenly you ask yourself, “Who am I if everything I knew just fell apart?”
It’s a moment of trial and vulnerability. And at the same time, a moment of the greatest courage.
This process cannot be rushed or bypassed. It is the time when we must go through our own darkness, pain, and doubts to be born anew. And though it is a time of loneliness, it is also the time of the deepest truth.
The denial of all known truths, the collapse of ego, and the descent into darkness — this is not the end. It is the beginning of true life.
Anyone who walks this path knows that after the darkest night comes a dawn unlike any other.
I write this as someone who has walked this path and continues to learn how to live with a new self — a self that is no longer afraid of darkness, no longer seeking escapes, but accepting life as it is.
From the depths of my heart,
Laura
